In the XF, first we have a child then we kiss... (Anglais)

Authors: SpookyTimmy & Goldfish
Summary: HoDD’s contest: How was the first time between Mulder and Scully?
Rated: PG
Spoiler: Per Manum
Disclamer: Mulder & Scully are not ours... of course they aren't or their life won't have been the same!!
Note: Mulder POV
Note2: Title from David Duchovny’s quote
Special Thank you to our Beta, Sonja!!


I’m here in her living room, waiting for her, waiting for the news but can I stand it?! And so does she? I have that feeling somewhere deep inside my gut, a feeling I never had before. What does it mean? I don’t really have time to think about it. A noise. I start to raise, not really aware yet of what it could be. The keyhole. It’s her. It’s time. Time to face it. As the door open, I turn toward to face her.

“Scully? I must have dozed off. I was waiting for you to get back.”

The sad look on her face breaks my heart. She doesn’t have to tell me.

“It didn't take, did it?”

She doesn’t say a word to correct it. God, at that precise moment, I would do everything on earth to make it better. To make her happy. Who should I kill for that sadness in her eyes? The consortium? Krycek? It’s selfish, I might feel a bit better, but what about her, the problem will remain the same.

“I guess it was too much to hope for.” Her call drives me back on Hearth. How can I stand there while she is at her place.
I’m in her apartment. Why am I the one lying here while she is so broken inside. I wanted to be here for her. And here am I. I open my arms for her. And it happens. I find myself breathless. She walks into my embrace. She sobs. I would have done everything to have this SOB in front of me, now!

“It was my last chance.”

I hold her tightly. But the feeling of her in my arms scares me,
something wasn’t as usual. What have they done with my Scully? She was barely the shadow of herself like a ragdoll. She was physically there for sure, but mentally was very far away from her body. From me.

She has to understand that I am here for her more than ever. That I will never ever let someone hurt her again. But how to do so when she seems so not her, so lost.

I cannot help it, I kiss her on the forehead before pressing her forehead against mine.

“Never give up on a miracle.”

To my big surprise, she’s responding to it. She kisses my cheek and neck. I’m not used to it but it could very easily become a habit. Then she embraces me again. What do you expect from me if it’s not answering her by embracing her even more tightly than I did before.

*******

I’m now, back on her couch. This time under a blanket she gave me so I won’t get cold. I can still hear her barely audible words while as if ashamed she asked me to stay with her. To not let her be alone. As if I could have denied her request.

I’m so awake. I know she isn’t really sleeping or at least not a very resting sleep. But she asked me to stay with her. To stay for her. This thought warms up my heart and I must have fallen asleep because when I try to watch the time on my watch it was 2 in the morning and Scully was in the kitchen drinking a glass of water.

I turn slightly under the cover and I see her, she is in the doorframe, looking in my direction. Not sure she noticed that I am awake at that moment. I don’t move and look at her. Does she need to be alone, or on the contrary does she need my comfort right now?

She rubs her arms to gain some warmth. I don’t need anything more:

“Get over here, Scully” I tell her as I am opening the blanket and move my long body to let her enough room to lay by my side.

This is not a convertible couch and there is not a lot of room for both of us. But I do try my best. Try to give her as much room as she needs to rest peacefully. Try to not bother her with any reaction my body close to hers might have. Try to be a perfect gentleman toward her.

Some heat comes from my body and warms her icy one, her small feet are cold against my legs. As gentle as I try to be, I don’t know where to put my left arm. And without even thinking about it, it comes naturally around her waist and drives her closer to me. It gives me the impression that I am finally useful, even if it may sound ridiculous, that’s how I feel right at that moment. This spooning position rocks her back to sleep and her deep and regular breathing sounds like a lullaby to me and makes me slumber too.

*****

I am cold, so cold that it wakes me up. I try to put the cover back on my body but then I remember. Scully is wrapped in it. I don’t have the heart to steal the cover from her, but I begin to be very cold.

I try to get up without reviving her. I wrap her in my arms and drive her to her bedroom. I softly put her down on the bed and cover her. Comfy, she turns in it and faces me. Her eyes seem to be sleepy, tired, sad and confused at the same time.

“Hushhh, go back to sleep” I whisper in her ears.

I turn around to go back on the couch and hear her, whispering soflty my name. I turn over and see her, her hand up in the air as if she was trying to catch me.

It frightens me to see how desperate she can be tonight. If she had been sad or anything in the past, she had never ever asked for my presence as much as she does it tonight. Does she do consciously? Has she found something in her heart that I have found in mine a few days ago? Is she aware that I would do anything for her? That she is my everything? That… that I love her.

She taps on the bed to let me understand that she wants me close to her, this time too.

What should I be thinking? Does she really want me around? Or does she simply need a presence, any presence to fill the emptiness she may have in her, lately? Is it just my help that she needs? Or is it anyone she would have seen tonight? Is it just for tonight? Or is it for a part of the read we could do together?

My questions almost totally vanished when I see her face turning red with a small smile on her lips. She has never been shy toward me in the past.

She seems to give up that idea and turns around in a way she can’t face me any longer. Her back faces the entrance of her room, I can’t see any of her reactions anymore.

A small voice inside my head leads me at her side. This is now or never. She needs me now more than ever. She never has asked for it before, I have to show her that I am here for her especially tonight that she is that depressed.

I quickly remove my jean pants and lightly slide by her side and put the covers back on both of us. First she seems to be surprised then her body relaxes to my body heat. I wrap her in my embrace and soon she is back into not only mine also Morpheus’ arms while she does so, I couldn’t help but drop a tender kiss on the base of her neck. She turns softly to see me and for the first time of that night, she smiles at me before falling asleep.

*****

I could stand like that, watching her sleeping for hours. She seems so serene, peaceful. She had removed the cover during her sleep, our bodies must have produced enough warmth for her to relax and lay in bed comfortably. Some of her skin is revealed to me and I couldn’t detach my eyes from this spot as tiny as it is.

Called me insane, but I can’t help focusing on her belly button. I could have stared at it for hours. This part of her body uncovered gives me goose skin. Hey I’m just a man after all.

I stand on my elbow and let my eyes fall on her sleepy face. I have lost every notion of time. Is it late or early in the morning? I have no clue and to be totally earnest, I don’t mind at all. The only reason I get up so early every day, or should I say the only reason I get up every day, is lying just next to me.

I don’t know for how long I’m been staring at her but the only thing I know is that she is awakening. She slightly opens her eyes and meets mine. She seems to feel better than yesterday evening, even if her eyes are still filling with some sadness, her smile lights up her face and my spirit.

How can I feel so connected to someone? How can a smile as happy or sad as hers might be can heat up my soul?

I am once again in my mind, and didn’t notice anything but her smile and that light in her gaze.

Then it happens. I didn’t expect it, but it happens. It is soft, sweet, sensitive… her lips lie chastely on mine while we share that unexpected kiss. Neither of us deepened it. It was the prelude of us sharing a more intimate moment.

As we separate ourselves, the smile on her face let places to a grin. She softly rubs her cheeks and in a giggle says “Scratchy beard”. My morning stubble on her sensitive skin makes land both of us. I spontaneously fear regrets from her. But instead of it, she puts her both hands on my cheeks and with her thumbs fondles my lower lip. I thought for years that she was staring at it, now I know it for sure.

I suddenly feel like attracted by her but not her lips. Her nose. My nose is suddenly fascinated by hers. We kiss in that way that was the one from this northern Canadian tribe, the Eskimo. It feels a lot more intimate to me than a casual kiss. It was like our relationship: not everything is said but it is shown.

We move closer from each other, hungry to discover each other, to let each other know that we’ll forever be one…

~*~ THE END~*~